Something quite strange happened to me a few years ago.
I feel like I should share what I wrote about it several months after the event in hopes one may find it interesting.

On my experiences of the last year

One winter night I decided to take psychedelics again.
20 minutes later, I was feeling a horribly intense feeling rising in my body and mind. Things shifted rapidly until they locked in place.
I had woken up in a terrible situation.
All the things I denied or refused to address were a jagged piece of iron in my side. But my mind was finally lucid.

I saw what I had inflicted upon myself and cried. The cut of my hair and the cut of my skin.
I looked into the mirror and saw myself instead of something and the depth of sorrow I felt was beyond that of any song- it could not be replicated because it was my life. I felt that I could not go outside, could not interact with anyone unless I were able to convey the self behind my form.

It was a normal Saturday night for a woman who had been sleeping until now, and there was nobody to help me. I knew all of this to be true.
I fell to my knees under the soft bathroom light and saw the judgement of countless biblical eyes… I could not fight at this point.
I stumbled in bed and cried and sobbed. I felt utterly alone- nobody in my life knew this was happening.
I did not know how I could live from now on.

But I started to calm down. And then for the first time in my life I felt God watching me. He was in the corner of the room, or the corners of my mind.
I knew what I had to do, I had to be strong for he was watching.
All the pain, all the experiences, they were acknowledged and I was not alone, and so I could go on.
I now knew what it meant to be alive. I felt like a person. I felt like I existed in this world. I suddenly had interests in making myself better and in problem solving. In activities. In using my brain… i always hate using my brain.
I was planning for the future. I was thinking clearly.
It was the most hope I've ever had for the future.
The next morning I woke up in despair again.

Still, this experience was in stark constrast with the event of the same nature that occured 6 years earlier.
The documentation of that incident is as follows:

It started with a dissolution of ones perception of reality, a breakdown of what once was a person into a pilot whose canopy displayed horrific things until it could observe its mind slowly reconstruct into something that could resemble a personality. They would exist in silence alone, for the next several weeks, anhedonic—then came the breakdown of reality relative to their life with a tragic realization, depression, and complete and utter despair once they realized their life had already ended and that they were now, at 20 years of age, more or less dead walking.